it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
