MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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