I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
