I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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