Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
