Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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