I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
