I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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