Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
