I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
