Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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