Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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