its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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