"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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