im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
