Moan for me like Helen Keller
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
