i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
