i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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