tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
