Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
