it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
