Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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