At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
