I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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