is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
