So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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