something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is my gift to your gina
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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