Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
