If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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