If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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