party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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