what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So much rum. So many feels.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
