apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
