This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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