WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
