Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
