You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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