we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
