it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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