i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
