Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
