i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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