Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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