yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
