PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
