On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
