Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
