dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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