Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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