you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
