sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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