I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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