discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
