I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize