I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
soo... how was my night?
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