after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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