I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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