He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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