imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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