You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
false alarm. still invincible.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
