i need an iv and a liver transplant
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
