my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
