We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
