before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
