You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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