the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
