i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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