When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
