I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
