uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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