I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
