Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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