this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
