he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
