Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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