To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize