i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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