A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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