Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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