I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Panties = found
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
