Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
