at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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