Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
