a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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