Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
