Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
