I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
