Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
