If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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