i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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