I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
