And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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