My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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