i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
