Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
