You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
