the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
