Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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