I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize