Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
