theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
