That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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