my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
