a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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