Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
