Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
