You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
