hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
