okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
